^_^

May. 29th, 2017 11:01 pm
“Why did you end your affair with Dave” Lindsey asks her friend.

“Because, what I first though to be passion, actually was asthma.”

^_^

May. 17th, 2017 11:10 pm
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that I was a cow, eating hay.

But that’s no too bad, the doctor says reassuringly.

Not bad? When I woke up half my mattress was gone!

^_^

May. 15th, 2017 11:22 pm
After a few tries and a lot of effort Marianne finally got her driving license.

She is driving into town for the first time alone at the wheel.

When she stops at an intersection she sees two workers hurriedly climbing up an utility pole.

Annoyed she leans out of the window “Hey guys, you don’t have to exaggerate, I am not driving that bad!”

^_^

May. 10th, 2017 11:29 pm
Enraged a client calls for the chef in as restaurant.
- There was a piece of rubber in my Boulogne sausage!
- Oh well there, the chef replies calmly, you see how the function of the horses is being taken over more and more by machines.

^_^

May. 4th, 2017 10:30 pm
Donald : Waiter! . . . My glass is empty.
Waiter : Do you want another one?
Donald : No, silly, what use is two empty glasses . . .

^_^

May. 3rd, 2017 10:52 pm
Teacher : knows anyone something birds do that we cannot do?

Jade : bathing in a cup and not getting mom angry for spilling all the water . . .

^_^

Apr. 26th, 2017 02:48 pm
There is a car parked in the city center without a parking ticket. The parking guard checks it out a few times and start writing a 25€ fine.
The driver comes running up and in stead of arguing he wants to pay immediately. So he gets out a 50€ bill.
The guard looks a bit embarrassed cause he ha no change.
"Oh, don't worry. Keep the money. I'll park back here again tomorrow . . ."

^_^

Apr. 20th, 2017 01:41 pm
When the first lawyer had finished his plea, the president of the court mumbled: "He is right."

When the second lawyer also finished pleading, the president again said, "he is right"

"But, Mr President," said an assistant, "they can not both be right ?"

"You're right too." replied the chairman.

new start

Apr. 19th, 2017 11:23 pm
Hopping in again.

I thought I still had an account from years past. fromn a time it was "invitation only". Apparently that doesn't exist anymore or I was mistaken.

I am not leaving LiveJournal. mostly because I have the linked email used for a lot of other sites. But with the new Russian censorship seeping trough I won't be doing much there.

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sjonsvenson

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