^_^

Aug. 3rd, 2017 10:57 pm
A : I have such deep debts. I am not sleeping at night anymore.

B : But man, you have to sleep, you won’t last if you don’t.

A : Of course I sleep, . . . by day

^_^

Aug. 2nd, 2017 09:08 pm
A prince, a priest, a president and a mother with her young son are in an airplane.

There is a midair collision and the cockpit is broken off, the rest of the plane is spiraling down. And there are only 4 parachutes.

“I am important for the country” says the prince , “so I merit a parachute”, he grabs a parachute and jumps.

“I am needed in my parish” the priest says, “I need a parachute to.” grabs one and jumps.

“I need to take care of the people in my country” says the president so he to grabs a parachute and jumps.

Only the mother and her son remain and the sun bursts out in tears leaning against the two remaining parachutes. Mom looks up and says why’re you crying we got a parachute each ... “

“That’s not it” the boy cries, “ the Priest stole my school backpack . . . “

^_^

Aug. 1st, 2017 09:21 pm
And? What did you do on your trip to Munich

For two weeks I drank twelve liters of beer every day.

Is that all

Yeah I cannot handle more.

^_^

Jul. 31st, 2017 08:33 pm
At the late-bar.

One man looks thoughtful “Imagine a man marries the behind niece van de cousin of the aunt of the mother-in-law of his first wife?”

His drinking buds thought long and deep but didn’t come up with an answer.

“Well then, I will tell you” he says, ”he will be her husband.”

^_^

Jul. 27th, 2017 09:26 pm
Louise and Line pester their mother . They want a pet, not just a pet but a pet Parrot. Finally mom gives in they ride to a specialized pet shop. But tame parrots are expensive.

The sales person, sensing he is losing his client on budget proposes “Well, here at the back I have another, slightly older parrot. He is a lot cheaper. He lived in a brothel before he came here.”

“That’s no problem,” mom says, “it’s actually a pettier bird then some.”

They take him home and put his stand in the main room. He adjusts easily to the room after hopping around a bit. A happy bird.

In the morning when the daughters come into the room he hops up and calls out “Pretty Girls! Pretty girls here!”

A few moments later dad enters the room, looks at the parrot but before he can say something the parrot calls out “G-mornin André!”

^_^

Jul. 26th, 2017 08:28 pm
A : I have such deep debts. I am not sleeping at night anymore.

B : But man, you have to sleep, you won’t last if you don’t.

A : Of course I sleep, . . . by day

^_^

Jul. 25th, 2017 11:01 pm
A young man, a lot younger than the woman he worshiped, came to her father to ask her hand.
Father: "But, young man, think about the difference in age. My daughter is 32 and you're only 22. Wait 5 years, then you will be at about the same age."

^_^

Jul. 24th, 2017 10:41 pm
An unemployed man is sitting down with his wife to watch the news on TV. Suddenly, the news reader says that a man is being sought for a bank robbery of 500,000 Euro.
- "I must definitely try to get that job," says the man.

^_^

Jul. 19th, 2017 09:19 pm
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR...

lol

^_^

Jul. 18th, 2017 08:32 pm
A man was injured in a duel during a duel would be investigated to see if his brains also had damage.
When they told him that, he responded "What! Why would you do that !? If I had had a brain I would not have done that duel!”

^_^

Jul. 17th, 2017 09:23 pm
Two boys bragging about their father.

- You know, my father can shave without taking his pipe out of his mouth

- Pfft, my dad, he can trim his toenails without pulling out his socks.

^_^

Jul. 13th, 2017 11:27 pm
Not the expected answer but 100% valid. :

Question :

How can an unboiled egg fall on a concrete floor without breaking?

Answer :

Simple, concrete floors don break easily.

^_^

Jul. 12th, 2017 09:35 pm
Not the expected answer but 100% valid. :

Question :

If 8 men work 10 hours to build a wall, how much time will it take 6 men to build the same wall?

Answer :

None at all, the wall is already build.

^_^

Jul. 11th, 2017 11:08 pm
Dangerous

Patient : Ha, the doctor, she will never succeed in getting me better. She forbade me all excitement. But every time she visits she wears another fancy dress . . .

^_^

Jul. 10th, 2017 11:34 pm
A parachutist jumps out of a plane but then notices that his main parachute refuses to open and his spare is stuck as well.

During his fall he meets another man going up, with torn and blackened clothes.

While passing he calls out “Do you know anything about parachutes?!”

“No,” the other one calls back, “and neither do I know shit about gas furnaces.”

^_^

Jul. 5th, 2017 09:39 pm
The minister of health care visits an mental clinic.During his visit he wants to call his staff but he cannot get a connection to London.

Frustrated he attack the receptionist and say “Do you know whi I am!”

“No I don't she answers unphased, “ But I know where you are.”

^_^

Jul. 3rd, 2017 11:10 pm
Well, I must say you haven't really changed eve after inheriting a million Euro.

Oh, but I did change. While I used to behave my self , ahum, indecent, I am eccentric now. And my jokes, that used to be 'ordinary' are now 'incredibly funny'.

^_^

Jun. 29th, 2017 08:59 pm
*sigh*

Last year my doctor put me on a diet, this year my accountant put me on a diet

^_^

Jun. 22nd, 2017 11:03 pm
The teacher had painstakingly the system of comparisons explained. He asked a few pupils.
Dave, give me the steps for Rich? Rich, richer, richest
Simon, happy? heu . . . Happy, happier, happiest
Billy, sick? heu . .. Sick, dead, buried.

O_O

Jun. 20th, 2017 09:23 pm
explosions an shots heard in Brussels, Central Station . . .

Breaking news on the radio, no one is sure what is happening yet.

Few direct reports. light explosions, non injured, perpetrator is shot by the military. Everything evacuated.

Perpetrator wearing something under his shirt. So no one goes near, explosion experts at the scene.

Radio is great, we get instant updates every few minutes. A few radio people were on their way home in the station, hence the fast news.

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